Crazy? Maybe…Maybe not … Could be just for shock

So I was talking to my brother on the phone the other day and said --- "hey Brent, I'm starting to think maybe I am a little crazy." He said "a little?!?!" Normally that's funny, but this is starting to bug me a bit. Just as I think everyone doesn't know what they are talking about --- I write these two rhymes in succession. Perhaps I am crazy. Though I do like Em's words on the subject: “I aint crazy, I just say crazy things to crazy people to make them think I am crazy so they can believe in Shady… I’m like that, I’m only as crazy as people make me” or as my hell states -- "i'm not crazy, just complicated."


People ask: Craig where you been? Here I am
Depressed – dark thoughts – seeing more bodies than Summer of Sam
Damn slowdown man – you're scaring me understand?
I can, but…I buried the nice guy in the sand
Yes, killed half myself – maybe I'm merely revealing my self
Evil Cecil's been hovering stealth
Well here are two shots to my health because denial was two shots to my health
Rebirth – Phoenix from the ashes
Hide the matches because it's my passion to set the whole world on fire
Inspire anarchy then preach to the choir,
I mean scream fire then pass the lighter
Liar! Who me? Never – only as of now the tongue biter
Fighter rare as the white tiger
Ripping and roaring smothered a stranger on the train for snoring
True story --- mixing truth and lies for glory
Oh lordy --- no more for me


You can't phase me, I'm psycho I'm crazy
Just because I don't do your work doesn't mean I'm lazy
So don't play me, I'm not a fool
If I used myself I'd get rich too
But not now, first, I need to redefine the rules
Enter an environment more suitable to my tools
Do the opposite of anything I've learned from these fools
And it will not be about regurgitating what I took from my schools
I might just surprise you, jump on stage and sing the blues
Why not? What do I have to lose by playing loose?
As long as I keep my mind on the game
It would be a damn shame if I die before the fame
If I do, who's to blame?
Just me and no one else
That's the lesson my dad was trying to teach with his belt
It didn't hurt; soft leather is what I felt
A mere lesson from the hand from which I was dealt
But we don’t kiss and tell therefore I shouldn't cry and tell
It's all about getting up before you're stomped where you fell
Rise with a smile and whisper wow that hurt like hell

Literal People

Literal People kill me. First and foremost they are no fun to talk to or joke with – unless the joke is on them. But, secondly, they always fuck things up. Why? Because they don't think.

I think this lack of thought stems from fear that they will mess up. Thus, they are afraid to step outside of the box and make the necessary decisions to thrive in this fast-paced environment. They are so careful that they follow instructions to the letter. Big mistake.

Instructions are directions and directions are general. Instructions, directions, and directives are made in a vacuum and don’t always reflect reality. People empowered to make decisions (group 1) can direct themselves, in the moment, to adapt. People who think for themselves (group 2) will run the risk analysis and decide whether or not to deviate from the plan or return to the decision-maker with their observation and discuss alternatives. Literal people (group 3) will just do.

People in group 2 hate being micro-managed. People in group 3 likely hate being micromanaged (who doesn't), but justify the irrational thoughts and behaviors of micromanagers.

I personally like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Thus, when explaining things to someone or passing along direction, I make a certain amount of assumptions. Assumptions to me are natural gap-fillers – I am assuming you know this, so I don't need to waste my time stating it. I also like to give and grant freedom to be creative. Perhaps someone might give me something that is much better than that which I would've dictated step-by-step. But…. then the let down. . .

Or…even worse, the let-down that shines through to the group 1 control-freaks who are trying to eat my lunch and/or take my soul (not going to happen, sorry). I hate mistakes, but refuse to become a control freak (beyond what I already am…. I know, I know, but at least I give people the benefit of the doubt). I don't mind mistakes that are thought-out misjudgments. But, struggle (weekly prayer) with mistakes that are remarkably attributable to downright brainlessness.

Please, I ask you… please. Think for yourselves. If someone instructs you to do something that doesn't make sense, question it, clarify. If that someone is not around, ask someone else, or take a chance. Please don't just sit there and not do anything. Go for it. Know why you acted as you did and state your reason for such if you make a mistake (or get caught). The reason should never be .. "I don't know" or "I didn't know .. blah, blah"

You're killing me. You're killing it for me (as the control freaks above me get freakier). And you are going to get someone killed.

Another bit of Yankee history.

Tonight (8 August 2009)
First time to new Yankee Stadium.

First time seeing Yankees play the Red Sox (I know. . .)

Witnessed 8th inning rally (Sox jumped up 2-1, ripping out my heart at the top of the 8th (Victor Martinez two run homer off of Phil Coke)

Alas bottom of the 8th:
H Matsui hit for J Hairston Jr..
H Matsui grounded out to second.
D Jeter grounded out to pitcher
J Damon homered to center
iM Teixeira homered to right.
A Rodriguez walked.
H Okajima relieved D Bard.
J Posada doubled to right, A Rodriguez to third.
N Swisher singled to center, A Rodriguez and J Posada scored.
R Cano singled to right, N Swisher to second.
M Cabrera grounded out to shortstop.
Rivera shut it down in the 9th game over.

Witnessed Yankee four-game sweep of the Red Sox.
Half the crowd screaming sweep, half the crowd screaming Red Sox suck.

Even Stephanie's mother loved it. She doesn't even like baseball; plus, she's French and the French are hard to please. This is how fans are made.

Second best Yankee game I've ever seen (really hard to top 21 September 2008; Kenji scored tix to the last game at former Yankee stadium; Kenji, Steph Wang, Michael, and I witnessed the Yankees beat the Orioles and keep season alive for one more game)

I am in heaven. Who are the Angels?


Stephanie Atkinson is an angel. Thank you so much Stephanie!!!

Been there, done that; BEEN doing that...

500 Days of Summer. Saw the movie. Glad I did, wish I didn't. . .
I have only 3 words: I get it. Oh man, do I.
The movie so strongly resonates with me that I'll leave this entry at that.
See it; see me.