And It Will Be Random…

So had an 11:45 AM haircut. Nothing unusual – set to pay $50 plus tip for 15 minutes worth of work plus 45 minutes of air-clipping and combing at my few remaining hairs to make me feel better about the experience. Well, that, and the two beautiful blonds working the front counter who call me "Cecil Craig" and flirt unapologetically with fake laughter while toying with their perfect dos. I eat it up. That's what I pay for... that's why I return.


Again, nothing unsual.

Well, after the small talk with my stylist ends, I'm left to my own thoughts. Normally my mind wonders to work. What will the week be like? What drama is forthcoming? To whom do I owe deliverables (damn just thought of one…mental note made)? While trying to put work from my mind, I often day dream about what flavor latte I will treat myself to on the walk home. I also try to convince myself that I do not need a massage and wonder how I will work in a run before Mass (yes, I usually get my haircut on Sundays) or between Mass and Sunday night television. Then my mind wonders back to work, as I wonder if I should get a jump on the week ---- and then the process starts over.

Today, however, I randomly tried to recall what movie I saw with my mother during my last visit home. I was annoyed that I could not remember, so I dug deeper and thought harder. Finally, I came up with Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. And I thought, hm... How did I talk her into seeing that? And then I thought what a wonderful visit home I had; one of the best in a long time. We went to the Columbus Zoo to see the winter lights display. We bonded as my mother showed me every coin in her coin collection. My mother calmed me as I was stressed over this whistleblower stalker. We made oven pizza together and watched scary movies. I told her I loved her a thousand times and wouldn't trade her for any mother in the world (I am sentimental and usually sneak this conversation in once during every visit; she always ate it up). And finally, it was time to leave… and, as I was always eager to leave after a long visit, I choked up a bit, she choked up and we hugged lots. This happens. It happened about once every second or third visit since that first time she dropped me at the airport, when I left for *good*, I cried the entire flight to Chicago… and at my first solo dinner in Chicago at the Rock and Roll McDonald's.

And so I puddled-up like a jerk in the salon. I tried to stop it. My stylist said nothing. Perhaps he suspected. Had it been allergies, he would have asked, right? Sometimes people just know. It wasn't waterworks. It is waterworks now. It was that damn Mother's Day poster, I know it.

I've been reasonably composed, but I miss her dearly. I am comforted by my Jedi beliefs. I truly believe my mother is part of the force. Luke Skywalker cried when Obi-Wan passed, but came back stronger. I know my mother is with me, I can feel it with the certainty that today is Sunday and it is raining. I am great on memories and confidence in my ability to pursue my dreams while acting with the integrity that she would expect. But it is not okay that I cannot hear her voice, I mean I can hear it, but I want to hear it. Alas, we don't always get what we want … and it is insanity to long for the impossible, but the feeling remains. And it will be random . . .

Workplace Shenanigans

Approaching mid-thirties, middle management and wondering have I lost my playful edge. I don't think I've lost the thoughts, but I exercise more control. What brought this about? No idea. Could be my current environment, increased level of responsibility, increased sense of ownership, post-recession stress disorder or maybe I am, gasp, maturing. Alas, there are memories of my former self. A few come to mind.


Working during college. I recall at least three jobs that I never formally quit or put in "two weeks notice" --- I think I just got bored or busy and simply stopped showing up.

Summer with Dan the Gutterman. Paid hourly. Recall blowing through rolls of quarters trying to conquer some arcade shooting game with Marco. On the clock.

Banking. Corporate card. Pre-WorldCom. Car Service, dinners, movies, happy hours. Never a question. Mildly responsible behavior for the time (especially compared to some of my colleagues) but looking back, out of control.

Loooonnnnng lunches. Mid-afternoon movies.

During friend visits, the boys would come in on Wednesday or Thursday. The host had to go to work, despite closing the bars. One morning, woke up, alarm had been tossed across the room (suspect Joe or Phil). Quick shower, get into office around 11AM. Wore sunglasses all day. Manager: "what happened, Craig?" Craig: "nothing" Manager: "don’t let it happen again" Craig: "okay" Manager: "do you need those sunglasses?" Craig: "I better take them off later"

Told coworker I would kiss her in the elevator. We go to the elevator, hit the stop button. I realize she was serious…. I get nervous, chicken out and hit the start button. Later realize I hurt her feelings. She later realized, I am a wimp. So all good.

Studying for GMAT/LSAT/writing law school applications openly.

Short stay at UBS Investment Bank. Crazy controlling culture. Manager power tripped for no reason. Craig to manager: "don't talk to me like that." Manager to Craig: "don't talk to you like what?" I mocked the manager's voice in an obnoxiously high-pitched whiny voice. Manager didn't talk to me for rest of day.

Signed emails "Cobra Commander"

Survived the following epidemics: MySpace, FaceBook, Scrabble, gchat, BBM (blackberry messenger)

Well, as it turns out, I am some form of (1) extremely censoring, (2) drawing a blank, (3) not the badass I thought I was or (4) all of the above.

Nonetheless, I've have a great overall working experience. I have made mistakes, said and wrote things I regret, cried, lost sleep, made great friends and laughed a lot. I still laugh a lot… and the summer is approaching…

Drilling, pulling, plugging and paying...

"We are not in the business of pain"


"You are going to do great"

"Some people even refuse Novocain"

Those are some of the statements I heard while squirming around my chair preparing for two procedures. Yes, I am dramatic and call drilling and filling of a cavity a procedure --- the extraction of the wisdom tooth is obviously a procedure. Any thoughts on which was worse?

Well… if I wrote this at 11AM today, I would not have hesitated to say I'd prefer the pull to the cavity. It was simple. My dentist, to use her words, simply wiggled the tooth out. Whereas, the drilling, sanding, picking, stretching, tongue clamping, more drilling was not pleasant. Anesthesia did not help; Van Morrison (yes the office had an iPod and I put in ear buds and cranked the volume up) did not help; and the fact that my Romanian dentist is F.I.N.E and oozes confidence only slightly helped. On the other hand, 12 hours later I feel as though I got slammed in the face with a baseball bat. That's the extraction.

[It's classic bark versus bite. I'll take the bite every time; I hate the bark]

[Funny aside: after the drilling, Dr. H took the needle to the other side of my face to numb. About 10 minutes later, she returned to offer me an apple juice. I go to sip it and could not… I ask her if it was a cruel joke. Even now, I wonder if it was a ploy to see if my face was numb enough to move to procedure two].

I sit here… it has been 14 hours since my dentist appointment and the awesome metallic, salty taste of blood lingers. This always happens. I simply don't, excuse my language, clot like everyone else. This has only been a major annoyance twice ---- the first time, upon the removal of my bottom wisdom teeth, got dry sockets (yeah major pain) and then when I got a spinal tap, I had to get a secondary procedure called a blood patch – long needle in the back times two = awesome.  Otherwise, my propensity for bleeding makes me look cool, especialy when I skin my knee EVERYTIME I play either basketball or softball.

Oh well, let's hope for the best this time; 24 hours of caution was advised. And I am, so far, so good; at least I am following the rules ---- I've suppressed 3 sneezes, smoothie for breakfast (and didn't suck out of a straw), pint of vanilla Haagen-Dazs for lunch/afternoon snack, and tomato soup for dinner. I've also not exerted myself, physically or conversationally. I picked up ninety dollars worth of nothing at CVS and have been at home reading, playing online chess, scrabble, watching TV and now blogging. My where has the time gone?

To and From My Heart, My Mother

I gave the originals to my grandmother.  I had taken a picture of the notes I prepared for my mother's funeral in case I, for whatever reason, failed to bring them to the church.  I didn't want to take the chance that I couldn't publically honor my mother at a time I think it would mean most to her, most to me.  Alas, I've decided to publish.  I find strength in emotion, and I have NEVER BEEN more emotional than the time spent here.