And the pendulum swings. . .

I am a “know it all” when I am interested, curious, and proffer my opinion. I am “patronizing” when I play nice, agree with everything and/or keep my mouth shut.

I am supposed to “think on my own” when I give what you ask for, but you’ve since changed your mind. I am supposed to “follow directions” when I see a gaping hole in your logic and decide not to waste time giving you what you must have mistakenly asked for.

I must keep my desk “neat”, but multi-task six projects.

I must write status reports weekly, but discuss project twice daily – morning and night.

I should take the time to give you both what you want and what I think you really want, but must do this lightening fast. Similarly, everything must be perfect, but also done lightening fast. The word “draft” is merely semantic. Perhaps the new naming scheme should be: Final 1, Final 2, FINAL 3, FINAL 9.18.2008 (ccj revised), FINAL FINAL, Final - the version we went to client (named after-the-fact of course).

[Oh and I am supposed to send you said perfect “drafts” well in advance (aka NOW) only to have you reschedule meetings to discuss the “drafts” over and over again until we finally meet at the last minute so I can watch you fumble through said work for what is clearly the first time and proffer sweeping changes if not a total “change in direction” for me to complete ASAP with you visiting me every 3-5 minutes, sweating, asking “how’s it coming along?”]

[For the record, while the complete “change in direction” will result in working all night or all weekend, it is preferred to the nitpicking edits, because it is at least proposed with an apology and has less to do with my work-product and more to do with something so farfetchedly left-field that I can’t even begin to offer examples and I damn sure don’t take it personally]

Perhaps I should go home and eat dinner before I get a response to my latest FINAL FINAL.

DISCLAIMER: This blog is a spoof. Any deducted relation to reality is purely coincidental. Shame on you for thinking otherwise. I’ve nothing but love for corporate America!